Does Civility Have a Place in Our Schools?
“Keep a civil tongue!” I can hear my grandmother’s stern but gentle voice when my sisters and I would get into periodic sibling squabbles. Or maybe some of you were raised with the phrase my parents used, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” When our feelings were hurt -or- we felt unjustly criticized -or- we thought life was unfair, we would express ourselves in ways that weren’t always kind.
As I look back, I’m grateful that these reminders helped shape us into adults able to control emotional outbursts. Our family instilled one half of civility values: refraining from disrespect. It wasn’t until my adulthood that I discovered the other half: the value of actually supporting, appreciating, and encouraging others.
Have you seen Christine Porath’s TED Talk on civility?
She asks “Who do you want to be?” We all have the daily choice in every personal interaction of building people up and respecting them OR holding people down and criticizing them. In less that 16 minutes she is able to summarize her research into the impact of incivility in the workplace. Well worth listening!
Since discovering her talk, I’ve been pondering the implications of her research on school relationships. How do administrators and faculty members relate to each other and to other support staff essential for school operation? How do teachers model interactions with students and encourage peer to peer relationships? How do school personnel interact with families and community organizations that are valuable contributors to the mission of public education? Are all those interactions grounded in the values of civility? With our current political and media climate, it seems we need this more than ever.
Maybe Porath’s simplified principles could be used to establish a culture of “lifting people up” across the whole school community. Establishing patterns of respectful, appreciative interactions could have long term impact on bullying, student concentration and achievement, teacher satisfaction and productivity, and meaningful family engagement. Might be a worthwhile experiment. I will definitely incorporate it into my Family Partnership Cadre! What do you think?
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